How many foundations does one wall need?

I'm very visual and as I read through Revelations 21 this morning I wanted to get an idea in my head of what kind of place the city was.  This is what I came up with.


" The angel who talked with me had a measuring rod of gold to measure the city, its gates  and its walls.  The city was laid out like a square, as long as it was wide.  He measured the city with the rod and found it to be 12,000 stadia in length, and as wide and high as it was long."

12,000 stadia = ~1,400 miles = ~ one day's drive 

About 1,400 miles shown here. 

"He measured its wall and it was 144 cubits of jasper, and the city of pure gold, as pure as glass." 

144 cubits = 200 feet

The Healy Clocktower at Georgetown University is 200 feet tall.

200 foot walls surround the city

City of pure gold, pure as glass

As far as we know, as far as I've read, gold is not see through.  Do you think this might mean there are elements of gold we have not discovered yet?  What does the phrase, "purse as glass" look like?

I like to think it's shiny and smooth, maybe it will be like glass and we can see through it.  How weird would that be?!




"The foundations of the city walls were decorated with every kind of precious stone.  The first foundation was Jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald, the fifth sardonyx, the sixth carnelian, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst."

Jasper means "spotted or speckled stone"

Blue sapphire; may be blue, pink, grey or black 

Chalcedony; may be an color of the rainbow

Emerald, hues may range
from yellow-green to blue
-green

Sardonyx; a variant of onyx where
 bands are shades of red instead of
black

Carnelian; color ranges from
from pale orange to almost black

 

Amethyst

Jacinth

Chrysoprase; ranges from apple
green to dark green

Topaz; colorless when pure,
impurities will tint

Beryl; three varieties, tinted colors
come from impurities  

Chrysolite; also called precious
olivine

I don't know anything about construction much less the "foundations of the city walls."  Is it normal to have multiple foundations for a city wall?  

Isn't the foundation of a wall or building usually not seen?  That makes me wonder why the foundation for the walls of this city to be so pretty.  

"The twelve gates were twelve pearls, each gate made of a single pearl.  The great street of the city was of pure gold, like transparant        glass." 

Discovering My S.H.A.P.E.

Chapter 1: Masterpiece

God had complete confidence in my ability when he created me and he has complete confidence in my ability today.  He speaks highly of me.  He designed me with passions, desires, thoughts, personalities and emotions which all work together to great one masterpiece - His words, not mine.

I know these verses well.  But do I really?  Maybe if I heart-understood instead of head-understood I wouldn't lack confidence in my own ability.  Whether it's my marriage, my kids, my athletic ability, my inner creativity, my relationships with friends and family, I lack confidence.  Reading words isn't enough anymore.  I'm a grown woman and still harboring insecurities dating back to the 90's. It's time to start believing the words in my heart by allowing the Holy Spirit to have the time to speak to my soul each day.  I will soak it in, meditate, learn to see myself as the person God designed me to be.

For a lot of my life I allowed stickers to be put all over me and decided that since it stuck, it must be so.  "Dumb blonde," "ditzy," "airhead," "sex object," "crazy," "wild," "stupid," "slut," "hyper," "social butterfly," "leader," "motivated," "stubborn," "weird," "lost cause," "pretty," I could probably go on like this for a long time.  What I didn't know for a long time is that I have power over what stickers I choose to  define myself by.  During the past 12 months I have been able to peel away some of those unwanted stickers.  But they had been there so long that they left a scar which God is graciously helping me heal.

I am an individual.  I am unique.  I love to break out in song and dance in the middle of making breakfast or throw a rock concert in the shower.  I think bodily functions are funny - until it smells.  I don't like bugs or snails or spiders and I run away from bees.  My favorite part of the day is when I find myself in a perfect moment.  I struggle to finish projects but I love getting them started.  I am a hot head and speak my mind at inappropriate times.  I hold my friends to high standards and my family and mentors to a higher standard.  I try to control my environment and strive for perfection.  I like shopping but I don't like giving to charity.  I want to adopt my step-daughter but I'm not sure that I even like her.  I like reading books about the Bible but get bored of the Bible itself more often then not.  I am told I have good skills with video editing, writing and planning activities.  Sometimes I see this, sometimes not.  All this to say, I am an individual.  I am unique.  What I do with all my gifts, skills, passions and desires is my gift to God.

Today I discovered that my masterpiece is "A Fragmented Kingdom Purpose" which reads:

"Based on your answers, your God-honoring purpose seems cluttered.  Your strengths are somewhat confused due to the fact that you are overextended in many areas of your life - something we can all relate to.  There are times when you feel you are using your gifts for God's glory, but there also are issues, emotions, and desires in your life that you still need to surrender to God in order to live the life he has in store for you.  Your accountability to others may not be as consistent as God - or you - would like.  You desire to invest in others, but have not committed the time.  You ave a few goals in place, but no master plan to ensure your purpose for God is completed.  The result is intermittent fulfillment.  You occasionally feel ou are living the life you were created for, but you long for greater clarity."

This pretty much is true on all counts.

A potter has the ability to squash the piece he is working on if it's not coming together how he wants.  In Jeremiah 18 God says he would like to do just that with the Israelites who were not conforming to God's will.  I am glad God doesn't treat me like a lump of clay which he can destroy when I become stiff-necked.  Instead, I am in His hand being molded into a masterpiece.

The Donut House

Yes, this is me, my first day of work.  It was fun and I was good at it.  But for some reason, the euphoria didn't last.  Did I lose money from the register?  Maybe I wrung up every single donut for the wrong price.  A customer complaint?  I bet it was the customer that left me a $5 tip that complained about my poor customer service because I smiled too much.  Let's see, what else could have gone wrong?  I may have not used enough soap in the dishwater or I may have stocked the refrigerator to full with milk.  Sweeping under tables and under the fryer was definitely over board.  Does any of this sound incredibly silly to you?  Well apparently the owner/manager of the Hayden Donut House feels these are all very serious offenses.

Saturday morning was cold and sunny.  I was going to get up at a decent time and get the kids a decent breakfast so we could then run some errands.  But my bed was so warm and my body was too heavy to lift itself out of my cushy Heaven.  I finally did, around 10 AM.  I kind of thought about getting donuts but quickly rejected the thought because we don't need to spend money on something silly like that.  Oh, donuts sounded good though.  And fun!  So, of course, I grabbed our change jar and marched us out to the car.

It was really fun and I'm glad we went.  It was cheap and didn't take anything but our leftover pocket change.  PLUS they had a "Help Wanted" sign.  The hours were Tuesday through Friday, sometimes Saturday, 5 AM to 12 PM.  Wow, that couldn't be any more perfect!  I brought my resume into Matt (owner/manager) that evening.  I recognized him from my high school days of hanging out there late at night doing "homework."  He gave me an on the spot 3 minute interview asking me the basic questions like, "Why this job and not one in your field?"  I explained I'm a stay at home mom and not career driven.  I want this job because donuts are "awesome" and getting a second paycheck would help my family tremendously.  I explained we are newly weds with two kids yadda-yadday-yadda.

Matt told me he'd call early in the upcoming week about the job, probably Monday.  He called Sunday night, offered me the position, which I accepted and then asked if I could start the following morning at 5.  He said the girl who works on Mondays is one of his best girls and he wanted me to learn from her. He explained the job is pretty basic: hand out donuts, smile and make some decent tips.  He said the girl who's place I am taking didn't seem to understand the concepts of customer service and her tips showed the fruits of that.

I was really excited.  I scored big!  Everyone told me he's a great guy and he and his wife are Christians.

 I didn't sleep at all that night.  Nerves, excitement, who knows.  I hadn't had a real job like this in a long time.

My first day was great.  Emily, the "best girl" was nice and walked me through everything.  I told her my goal was to learn everything on the first day - which we did.  I asked a little about what Matt is like as a boss.  Emily said Matt doesn't say much, you don't know something is wrong until he either yells at you about it or fires you.  Essentially, this is what happened to the girl I was replacing.  I thought it was great she was getting fired.  "I hate it when the boss doesn't have the cajones to fire employees who obviously are not up to par," were my exact words.

My first day came and went.  I didn't hear from Matt again until Wednesday afternoon.  He left me a voicemail asking if I could work Thursday morning for a 3 hour shift getting better acquainted with the antique register system.  I wished he could have called me about any day but Thursday - I had appointments all morning.  I didn't hear from him again until the following Saturday night.  He wanted me to come in on Monday to work with Emily again and then start my regular shifts on Tuesday by myself.

Monday came and went.  Emily was allowed to leave around 10 because I had a handle on things.  The place was sparkling clean when Matt came in.  He told me good luck tomorrow, just take my time and double check everything.

Usually Matt calls at least a couple of times during the morning shifts to see how things are going.  He did not call once on Tuesday.

I arrived at 5 AM sharp and immediately got busy.  Tuesday turned out to be a lot busier than Monday.  Because Emily told me Matt really likes things to be clean, I was very thorough with my tasks.  My goal - as it is with every job I have had - was to be the best donut girl there.

The sun rose steadily all morning and I could feel that I was getting pretty behind with the cleaning duties in the kitchen.  I simply wasn't good enough yet at juggling all the duties while having a line at the register and a car at the drive through.  I know I did a good job because customers told me that and one guy even left me a $5 bill in the tip bucket.  I was so busy that day I didn't even have time to grab a few bites of my PB&J sandwich.

I am in charge of making the different glazes when they get low.  First was the regular glaze then I needed to make the chocolate.  The white glaze took all morning to make because there were either more customers coming in or a growing pile of dishes.  I wasn't sure which was more important so I did a lot of multi-tasking.  After making the glaze, I really wasn't sure if it was right.  Matt's wife stopped by to drop some stuff off.  I told her a little about the day, how busy it had been and that I know I'm behind on what normally is done by 11:00 AM.  She checked the glaze, told me to add some water, which I did.  I didn't think that is what I should have done but I finished up anyways since it was the owner/manager's wife who told me to do this.

I got the kitchen organized, though not swept, or mopped, or thoroughly cleaned by the time Matt showed up at 12 PM on the dot.  I had just finished making the chocolate glaze.  He looked first at the donuts and said, "Yeah, a pretty decent day."  He went straight into the locked office and was in there for a few minutes.  I wasn't sure if I should leave or talk to him.  When he came back out I just started talking.  Isn't that what you are supposed to do when handing a shift off?  I told him there might be a mixup with money in the first register although it is all there.  I told him how I thought an old man stole a piece of bread in the morning.  I explained my confusion about the glaze and apparently I made the chocolate wrong as well.  His response to all of this was, "You'll get the hang of it."

I left the Donut House feeling like I had failed although I truly had done my best.  I made myself feel better because I knew this was only my first day and my worst day.  Tomorrow would be so much better.

Later that night I got another voicemail.  Why I kept missing his calls, I do not know.  He told me I need more training, to take the next day off, he would call me tomorrow about working Thursday or Friday.

I called him Wed afternoon because I hadn't heard from him.

I called him Thursday afternoon and left a message because I hadn't heard from him.

I called him Friday afternoon because I hand't heard from him.

I was thoroughly confused.  I was elated to have a job and it was fun.   I was looking forward to a paycheck dedicated specifically to groceries and miscellaneous things that arose such as much needed doctor appointments.  But no phone call.  Not one retured phone call.  By Friday Jon and I were discussing the possibility that I had been fired.  He wasn't so sure but I felt confident that for some reason I wasn't wanted there.

  I couldn't stop thinking about the Donut House.   What had I done wrong?  Had I really screwed up that bad?  Am I not a very good employee now that I am a full-time mom and college graduate?  Did I seem too flustered and unable to handle my duties?  What the heck is going on??!!   

Saturday morning Jon and Ciena took me to get my paycheck.  I walked in the same time as a mob of soccer players and their families came in.  I sat in the back and waited.  Matt was there with one other girl.  I was nervous.  I hadn't expected Matt to be there.  I was embarrassed about whatever had happened but I didn't even know what to be embarrassed of.  I had already decided that this job was done.  A very small part of me thought Matt might tell me to come in for more training on Monday.  With knots in my stomach, I would have to tell him I got another job because I didn't expect to still work there after not hearing from him for a week.

The mob died down and I stood by the register.  I was really nervous now.  My heart was pounding and I was also getting more pissed at the fact he had not called to tell me whethere I was fired or not.  He walked up with a big smile and said, "Hi!"  Without returning the smile I told him I was here for my paycheck.  He laughed as he walked away and I realized he hadn't even recognized me.  I could feel me cheeks get hot with embarrassment as I waited for him to get back.  He laughed the whole to the locked little room where he kept the money.  I was mortified and felt very small.

He came back, held the paycheck up, and asked for my key.

"W-what?"  I could hardly believe my ears.  The flush on my cheeks felt hotter.  The knots in my gut twisted a little bit more.  I couldn't believe Matt was asking me for my key as if we had had a conversation about me not working there anymore.

"You're K-E-Y," he pronounced with great exaggeration while holding his free hand up and doing a key lock-unlocking motion.  Did he think I was deaf? Dumb?

"Oh ok."  Again, I was too stunned to completely comprehend what was happening.  My body was shaking and I was getting increasingly nervous.  I absentmindedly reached up my hand to take the check and said, "I'll go get it."  It felt more like a low mumble but whether or not he heard me was irrelevant to him.

"No, no,no," Matt said, stepping back with my paycheck.  I then realized how foolish I looked reaching up to take my paycheck without giving him my key.  This is standard for any job.  I knew this.  But did he really have to taunt me about it?

I turned around to go back out and get the key.  I was pissed that I hadn't thought to bring the key in the first place.  I hadn't even though about the key since I used it Tuesday morning.  By the time I got to the car I was beyond mad about the way I was being treated.  "Bastard. Bastard, bastard, bastard," I chanted the whole to my car.  I furiously opened the car door and found my purse and wallet.

"What happened babe?"  Jon was worried because he could see how upset I was.

"He's a bastard Jon.  He's actually doing this.  I can't believe he's doing this."  I felt tears come to my eyes but I pushed them down.  I was mortified for reasons I did not even know.  Did Matt even know? His wife?  What about the other donut girls?  Did they know?

I marched back inside and when Matt saw me enter with his precious key he put my check on the counter and stepped away.  Without looking up I dropped the key on the counter, grabbed my check and marched my butt out of there.

I opened the check in the car.  It was for all three days of work.  I wouldn't have to go in again next week for another paycheck.  This meant he planned for this.  He knew he would fire me days ago he just didn't have the decency to let me know.

It took me a few days to feel okay about what happened.  My pride took a sever beating that week and telling friends this story helped me let go of the tensions I felt about it.  God makes everything happen on purpose.  It's fine that I'm not working there anymore.  It gave me a taste of getting a paycheck and it left me wanting more.  This has caused me to continue to look for work and I am now working with a local author doing video work.  I won't get paid but I hope this will lead to other paid opportunities.

It still sometimes bugs me that I don't know what I did wrong.  I won't ever know and I have to be okay with that.  I just really wish the whole thing could have been handled better.

Dude, did you know it's Halloween soon?

I don't know my neighbors, but it seems they are big fans of Halloween (and Christmas judging by their year-round Christmas lights).  If you have been to my house in the past month you will know exactly what I'm talking about.  For those that haven't been to my house I will try to explain.  Let's see... At Christmas time many people have big snowmen or snow globes that light up at night to decorate their yard.  They usually only have one and then smaller items to accentuate the one monster size snowman.  Somewhere, somehow my neighbors acquired not one, not two, but five of these monster sized purple halloween "items" that "glow" in the night.  There is a huge purple spider on their house and the legs aren't firmly attached so a few of them flap around in the wind.  There is a walk way with a ghost-like person attached to it and I'm told that it makes scary noises at you when you walk through it.  Then there's a big Scooby and a few others that I can't remember because I have yet had time to take everything in when I drive by.  It's just crazy!  And to be honest, it's so ugly.  Having one of those items might be fun, but five or six?  It's just insane.

Earlier in the month I was going door to door taping some fliers to the front doors, you know, a less confrontational form of solicitation.  This neighborhood is a little more upscale than mine (no big purple balloons in any front yards) so I found myself constantly admiring the perfectly manicured lawns (for the most part) and the interesting porch decorations.  A lot of the houses were very festive and decorated for fall with pretty wreaths, maybe a few pumpkins or something.  Then I saw a house that had put cobweb all over their front porch and you had to walk through the cob web and past a standing skeleton to get to the front door.  Another house had a hooded skeletel looking creature attached to the front door so it looked like the creature was halfway through the door.  And then there was another house with huge cobwebs but this one had a big, ugly black spider on the web.  Ew.

Of couse we all have to buy candy for this huge event so we are all seeing many different advertisements for the candy that is going on sale.  Believe it or not, I have a favorite commercial.  I think it's a kit-kat commercial but I could be wrong.  In this commercial there is a six year old little boy in full bat man gear standing in front of a bucket of candy and a sign that says "Please take one."  As he is standing there contemplating this a cute blonde little girl in what looks like a bee costume comes up and grabs a handful of candy.  "Batman's" moral compass is directed on her and he tells her about the sign to which she replies, "I can't read."  She takes one more piece of candy, rolls her eyes and skips away leaving a very dejected "Batman" behind.  Have you seen this commercial?  It's so cute!  You must keep your eyes out for it.

My last random thought about this holiday are the COSTUMES.  I like the costume part.  It's fun to pretend to be someone I'm not.  Last year I was Cinderella and although I was frozen by the end of the night, it was very fun to play the part of a princess.  I am always interested in seeing what innovative costumes people come up with and then the little girls in their tutus are all dressed up and look so adorable!  It's all very fun.   But as I'm sure you know everyone grows up and girls tend to wear less and boys tend to become more vulgar with their gore.  I do understand that these are generalizations and not everyone fits into these molds that I am discussing.  Anyways this happens, many of us have "been there" right? Riiiiight?? It's okay to nod your head, no one is looking.

There are two things that bother me about costumes.  First, the gore of it all and second, the slutty moms. So the gore...When we dress up and have blood running down our faces and clothes and a knife appears to have been stabbed through our skull, what are we celebrating?  When we dress up like ghosts, goblins, demons, devils, zombies etc., what are we celebrating?  I'll tell you.  It's death, it's evil, it's pain and in it's core, it's Lucifer himself.  Oh great, now I'm sounding like one of "those people" who's all obsessed with religion.  But hey, if that's how I sound then that's how I sound.  It's just that evil is very real whether we want to acknowledge that or not.  I really struggle with the idea that this is something to be celebrated.

Okay, enough.  Now the slutty moms.  Oh man, did I touch a nerve?  Oops.  Oh well, I'm over it now and hopefully you are too.  It bothers me, no, it pisses me off when I see or hear that a mom is planning to "dress up" for Halloween as a sex object.  Ok come on, I know you know what I'm talking about; slutty television and movie characters, firefighters and police officers with only a quarter of the uniform on, french maid, sexy nurse, the list is endless.  It kills me to see moms in particular conform themselves to these ideas of femininity because of the message it will send to the kids.  I feel bad for the teenage boy whose mom, dressed as a play boy bunny, prances about serving candy or heads off to a party.  How embarrassing for that 15 year old.  I feel like I'm in the process of crossing over some unsaid boundary so I'm going to stop with this blog while I'm nervous.

Halloween does have it's pros and cons.  I'm not one of those moms who is going to forbid the kids to dress up and trick-or-treat.  But I am going to be careful.  I hope that if Halloween starts taking us down a wrong path that my husband and I will see it and be able to take action against it.

Baby Steps

Hypothetically, let's say...

You are a manager at Starbucks. One fine day one of your baristas comes to you because you have yet another customer with ruffled feathers you need to smooth out. It's annoying because even though you have no proof, this particular barista seems to come to you with disgruntled customers often. She is a bit of a know-it-all because she has been making lates and mochas for a number of years. However it's her attitude that has caused her to stay in the pay grade of a barista versus moving up in the chain of command.

You get to the counter and this customer is not upset. This is customer is irate. Apparently her order has been messed up twice this week and she is now late to work because she has to wait for her grande-tripple-skinny-white-vanilla-late to be remade. So what are you to do when your customer is yelling at you about the quality of your coffee, your staff, even the cleanliness of your bathrooms? Hopefully, you would do what any good manager would do and stand there politely listening until she is finished. Meanwhile, the barista who you are certain has caused this ruckus is going about her work without a seeming care in the world.

When the customer is done listing off every complaint she has about the Starbucks Corporation, it's your turn to quietly apologize, as I'm sure any of us would do in this situation. You might say, "I'm very sorry for the inconvenience. I completely understand where you are coming from. On behalf of everyone here, I am very sorry. It's true, sometimes we make mistakes but that is no excuse for how you have been treated." OR, on a bad day, you might say, "You know what, I don't know why you are yelling at me. I didn't make your drink, I didn't screw it up. Why don't you find the person responsible for making you angry and yell at her. This isn't my fault!"

Well, if you responded with the second response you probably wouldn't have to worry about seeing that lady again. However, she is the type to go to the next level and you could end up losing your job. Hmmmm.... You just never know.

So what's the point of this "hypothetical" scenario I've just concocted? Well, I'm wondering if, as a Christian, we do this as well. Christians have a very bad rep in today's society. We are known as rude, uncaring, boring, ritualistic, fake, hypocritical, judgmental, and a list of other not-so-nice names that I'm sure you can come up with on your own. This is not Christianity. At least, it's not true Christianity. And not all Christians are like this. Some actually care about other people. Some truly believe they can make a difference in this world for the Kingdom of Christ. Some Christians follow Jesus and learn to bite their tongue when a biting remark attempts to escape. Some Christians have learned to look beyond the outer shell of people and see that there is something lovable about everybody. Some Christians have exotic and exciting lives living in different countries, traveling to new places, meeting new people everywhere they go - even in the comfort of their own neighborhood in Idaho.

I think that sometimes, as Christians, we encounter people who want nothing to do with Christianity because these people have seen the hypocrisy that lived in the Pharisees and they have experienced pain because some "Christians" openly judged them for their past. I propose that James (3:1-3, 16) is correct when he says that controlling our speech is of the utmost importance. God takes the words we say very seriously because what we say is a direct reflection of our heart (Matt 12:36). When we are not careful, we turn others away from the grace of Jesus Christ. That is sad.

So then we play the blame game and no one steps up to take the blame. Maybe we should go back to the story about the manager with the irate customer. He apologized for the mistakes of his workers even though he personally had nothing to do with the drink that happened to get a little too much white vanilla flavoring in it. I think that's how we should approach our friends, neighbors and colleagues when they express their struggles in regards to religion, in regards to those that have done terrible things "in the name of Jesus". The words, "I'm sorry," coupled with empathy and compassion can go far. We will each stand before God one day and be judged for every action, every word.

I admit that I am not good at this. I really like to say what I am thinking especially when I'm upset. This morning, after thinking about this concept, I got on Facebook and saw something that made my insides burn a little bit. It wasn't even a big deal comment! My first reaction is to say something snotty, you know, something that is biting but covered with the veil of "a joke." Ugh. I was soooo upset with myself in that moment I typed something that was the opposite of what I actually wanted to say! I laugh inside because this is just so silly. I really didn't want to say something nice! But I did, and I suppose it's good that I did. Baby steps, that's what this God thing is. One day at a time. Hopefully one of these days I'll be able to apologize to those who I've been less than Christ-like toward.

By the way, these oh-so-amazing thoughts actually stemmed from the book, "Blue Like Jazz," chapter 12. This book has been phenomenal by the way. It's the first non-religious book about religion that I have seen.

Created to be His Help Meet

By Debbi Pearl

It's done! It's done! It's done! As someone who is engaged and never married before, this book was a little out of my league as I couldn't relate to many of the discussions...yet. However I'm sure my time will come.

I fought myself throughout these entire twenty-four chapters. Many times I threw the book down in annoyance vowing to be done with it. But there was something in me that wouldn't let me quit. I'm not sure if it's just my stubbornness telling me not to be a quitter or if God really did want me to see this through.

I wasn't so much frustrated with the concepts of the book, but with the condemning tone. At some points, it was if she was trying to say, "It's this way or the highway." While that may be true (I'm talking about when we look at what God's Word says about an issue), it's God who needs to convict us. The author used some personal experiences, but mostly she used letters written to her and her husband about marriages that were spiraling downward. Although I appreciated the authenticity of real life examples, I would say about 75% of the letters and personal illustrations used were unhappy ones; but maybe that's what this book needs.

The author goes into detail about how, as a wife, I should react and treat my husband in varying situations. I found myself annoyed and disappointed at constantly seeing pain and turmoil within these marriages. Some might say I am now "prepared" for some of the struggles in marriage. But quite frankly, I don't care to be bombarded with how often marriages have problems. Although it's wise to have the information, I also enjoy and appreciate stories that will excite me for marriage. Because of this, I read the surface of the book. Everything written was supported with scripture, however it was from the King James Version. Every "homework assignment" at the end of a chapter was assuming I had a KJV. I do not. So I tended to skip over the verses, because I really just wanted to get a general overview of the what this author had to say.

There is not doubt that much of what is in this book is hard to hear and to personally understand. However I do believe that the author makes clear that this book was written for women. She does not talk about how the men are supposed to be because what matters is what we women do in response to our men. I'm very interested to see what happens in real life when the ideas of this book are put into practice. I imagine that in a few years I will onc again pick this up from my bookshelf and find new meaning within the pages.

I discovered many concepts on how to be a Godly wife. The author discusses the dangers of being "overly spiritual" quite a bit. She also discusses issues such as how do you react when you discover your husband has a porn addiction? What happens when he confesses he cheated? How do you draw the line between obeying your husband and obeying God? Are you supposed to sit back and let him walk all over you or can you take a stand for what you believe is right? One of my favorite chapters was the discussion about the basic three types of men. It was fun learning about all types and figuring out where Jon fit. I aslo enjoyed learning how to love Jon better because of the kind of man he is.

The tone of this book is at times disconcerting, irritating, and contains cut-throat honesty. But I trust the concepts and heart behind the purpose this book. I do not recommend this book to new Christians, maybe not even to new wives because of how often this book left a sour taste in my mouth. However I do recommend reading it at some point and I don't believe there is a place where you are too far along in your marriage to not gain anything from this book. When you do read it I recommend going through it with a partner (not your husband), or a women's Bible study. It seems this book is much easier to get through when you have someone to discuss these concepts with and someone you can compare notes with as you put new ideas into practice.

I hope I didn't scare anyone away from reading "Created To Be His Help Meet." Like every other piece of literature that is not God breathed, this must taken as a grain of salt - although it's up to you how big that grain of salt is! Reading this book has led to deep and interesting conversations with friends as well as my fiance. I am looking forward to reading "Preparing To Be A Help Meet" with a good friend soon.

A Love Letter (It's not what you think!)

Good morning! I hope you are having a wonderful day! I miss you ever moment we are not together. Muaw! I am writing you this now because, well, I am so in love with you! Sometimes, I just don't know what else to do but tell you all the reasons I think you are wonderful. Are you ready?? Hehehe Let's go!

I love the way you kiss me, hold me and make me feel cherished and loved. Each kiss is different and unique. I can almost read your mind when I feel your lips against mine. I sense when you are tired, upset, happy. And then, with every kiss, I get to look into your beautiful eyes. I am so happy I get to spend the rest of my life figuring out the depths of love you hold back there. Your soft eyes already give you away, even more than your kisses do.

There are so many ways you make me feel like a beautiful woman cherished like a sparkling diamond. You do so many things for me. Do I say thank you enough? I hope I do! Every note, every letter, I cherish. Each surprise, big and small, makes me feel soft and squishy inside my chest. I adore the way you take care of me and the kids. You are so careful, always directing us towards right and good decisions.

There is much wisdom and honor inside you that spills into me and will continue to trickle down to the children. You are honest, true and always there for me. Any moment of the day, any time of night, I can call you and you will hear me. Sometimes you may not answer right away, but you hear me and I feel safe in that knowledge.

You are my protector and my prince. I honor you because you are so good. You have all the right answers even when I don't understand them in the moment. I know to trust you above all else. My purpose here on earth is to lift you up with my words, my actions and the praises within my heart. Many times I hold these things back. But now, it's time to let them all out.

I exalt you, praise you, worship you. Above everything else on this earth, you are mine and I am yours. You have seen me through every affliction. I have turned my back on you and been selfish, rude, even downright mean. Still, you chase after my heart because you love me so much. What else can compare to this love?

...

Well, now I'm stuck. What do I say next? I'm not sure if you've caught on yet, but there is a question on the recipient of this letter. Isn't there? Or is there? Now I know that I am making zero sense.

A few days ago I was writing a love letter to Jon on his V -Day card. Of course it was ultra-long and full of mushy-gooey-ewiness. I started telling him I loved how he takes care of us, his family. I love seeing him be a father. I then started praising him for his intelligence, wisdom and honor. Within in two sentences of passionately exalting him, I stopped. Who the heck was I writing to? I never used the word "praise," "exalt," or "adore." But it's almost like I might as well have. My love letter was almost complete and as I sat with my pen relaxed between my right thumb and fore finger I read through the purple marks I made and stopped when the white space interrupted.

I was stunned at the seemingly new condition of my heart. Was I really in the process of worshipping Jon? Or was I simply worshipping the love we have for each other? Simple, really? Is any of this "simple?" I thought back to my many written prayers in my prayer journal. Each one felt forced, well thought out so it looked good on paper. I guess I thought that with practice, I could feel deep love and adoration for my Creator.

Jon wooed me into this disgusting mushiness we have created together. He brought me flowers, wrote me love letters and cute notes. He creates romantic environments with candle light and sweet songs in my living room. He held me when there were tears and anger that made my body shake. He held my hand when I was scared and comforted me with soft words only I could hear.

But wait, hasn't God already done these things for me? Hasn't he been doing this my whole life? He blesses me every day with sunshine, joy, the sweet taste of chocolate and smell of coffee. He wrote me a love letter full of cute notes. I read it every day - my Bible. He creates romantic environments for me because he wants to hold me and talk with me. But I have learned to ignore his promptings for stillness in my days. I don't allow Him the time to speak to me through my music anymore.

I have felt God's Presence before. My knees were shaking and my stomache was doing flip flops and my heart was full of Godly sorrow. This is how He led me to Him. From that moment on at twelve years old, I've had the Holy Spirit inside me ready to comfort me, soothe me and rejoice with me.

So why aren't I so in love with Him? Will my love for Jon wither away as well? Jon says he will spend the rest of his life wooing me to fall in love with him. God says he does the same thing.

I have a feeling that Jon will always be able to woo me and I will always see it and accept it and love him in return. But I feel that I have also created a habit of ignoring the God that has pursued me since I was born. So what now?

This is an unfinished and ongoing thought process. Thanks for taking the ride with me. :)