It's All Hit and Miss Lately

Well it's a Thursday, our designated Date Night. It was a little different since we had a dinner/interview with who may possibly become one of Jon's professors next semester. I was pretty tired after dinner since I had an 8-hr work day already but since it was Date Night and we had been talking about going east coast dancing for almost a month now, we went dancing.

The lesson was fun and Jon was so cute in his red polo. ;) It was my first formal swing lesson so it was good for me too. After the lesson we sat and watched all the pretty people and their smooth moves. Jon FINALLY asked me to dance! :p However within 10 minutes we were both frustrated. Well, maybe I was the one frustrated. Who knows. Either way, we couldn't seem to get our feet right and were mostly awkward together. Maybe I expected too much and maybe he was nervous.

So why is something as simple as dancing turning into a stressful event? Well, it could be that we are stressed out and it's coming through in what should be a fun evening together.

It was a little after 10 and I was ready to move on from dancing. It just didn't seem fun anymore. We debated on having a drink before leaving and after much deliberation we had some tequila chased down with a cold beer. Yuuummm. So, since we're just sitting there sipping away, Jon decides to try and figure out why we are so stressed out in seemingly every area of our lives. This then led to much venting on my part.

Many of you know I had coffee with Ciena's mom a few days ago. Since then I have talked to her every day. Is this a God thing? I think so. But what I realized tonight is that I feel good after talking to her even though it's only for a few minutes. Do you know why? Well let me tell you. It's because she is someone to talk to about my day whether it's about work or what I have going on that day. It's kind of weird right? Yeah, well Jon thinks so too.

After having coffee I was surprised by how many people sent me a text asking me how it went. It meant people cared and remembered. Why is that so surprising to me?

I'm soooo frustrated lately. I feel like I'm reaching out for relationships in different ways and nothing seems to stick. Every week at church I wonder if I will make a new friend during the greeting time. So far no luck. Friday nights are supposed to be double date nights. However if we can't find other people to go out with, well, it's not much of a double date is it?

A few nights ago Jon and I really needed to relax, laugh and talk about meaningless things in life. So we tried to get ahold of some people to come over to play games and share some margaritas. The options in my phone book were limited and no one was available - it was short notice I know. I also understand that I am feeling sorry for myself right now. Oh well.

We have friends, don't get me wrong. But it's totally hit and miss. And it's not that him and I need friends, it's that I need someone to vent to or talk to or whatever. Why is it that I am the one always initiating? Jon and I have a great time together. I love going dancing with him. I love it when he takes me out. I love it when we take the kids swimming. But I feel strongly that we both need an outlet with other people.

Maybe We Should Laugh A Little More

I know what it means to come along side someone and take some of their hardships onto my own shoulders. I know this because my own shoulders ache and my chest doesn't seem to get as much oxygen as it should. What keeps me going is the hope I have in Christ that if we can hang on for a few more months the doorway of a venomous oppression will be forcibly closed.

Most of the time I try to ignore the evil that can so easily trap us into the cell of hatred. But now Jon and I are faced with an unashamed hatred on a daily basis. It isn't the insults that bother me. It's the constance of them. We can't escape. I must not be so strong in my faith because I allow one person's selfish desperation to erase my smile, quiet my laughter and harden my heart towards what is true and good.

So I pray. I pray that God draws her to Him. I pray for wisdom and strength for Jon and myself. And I remind myself to laugh. I'm learning to have fun even with the seemingly mundane tasks such as running Evan through Macy's to the restroom or laughing as I watch Ciena splashing and spitting as Jon calmly continues to giver her direction on how to swim properly. This is what we need to hang on to and in these moments I feel my shoulders relax and I let out a deep sigh of contentment.