Sunday, August 22, 2010

A Time for Anger

A couple hours ago now Ciara Cruz (Ceina's mother), sent me a long and terrible text regarding Jonathan. I have never felt such anger course through my body. I felt hot and my stomach twisted inside as I pressed send with trembling fingers. Ciera answered my call on the second try and I yelled at the top of my lungs, "Don't you ever send a text like that to my phone again!" With each word my anger mounted and she tried to explain but before she got a word out I yelled again, "I don't care. You have something to say you say it to him on his phone. I don't ever want a - a - a text like that sent to my phone again!" And I hung up. My body was trembling, my hands were shaking and I was breathing quick, short breaths which matched my racing heart. All that would calm me down was Jon holding me close. He was quiet, calm and a steady rock to my pounding heart. I leaned into him, breathing slowly, trying to control the quick short intakes my body wanted to produce.

Should I have yelled at her? I'm not too sure. She somehow sent those texts to my phone on accident from what I understand. I know that accidents like that happen - however they don't happen often. She should have been more careful and thus made a bad mistake today. For the next hour and a half she called Jon and I multiple times. She continued to send Jon terrible texts and sent me texts telling me to stay out of their business.

I am feeling much more calm now. The storm has passed and I was able to ask God to send her some Heavenly Help. I didn't spend much time on that prayer mind you; but God heard it all the same. Tomorrow morning Ciera is dropping Ciena off at my house because she did not get a sitter for the hearing tomorrow morning. I pray that God gives me wisdom to allow the Holy Spirit to be alive during that exchange.

But seriously...I don't think I have ever been so angry in my entire life.