Sunday, October 25, 2009

Curious, Isn't It?

We all have our first love, and maybe some of us fall in love again and then maybe again. Then we meet: the love of our life. The world stops. All you can see is this seemingly perfect person who can do no wrong and nothing can/will ever come between the both of you.

As many of you know, I met this person. He was my perfect match. I could not have asked for a better first date with what turned out to be an amazing relationship. I was convinced we were going to get married, as many of you know. I had never felt so convicted about a boyfriend before.

Well, God has different plans. I have spent much time talking to God about him and telling Him how much I want to marry this man. But like the song goes, "Thank God for unanswered prayer." Although I'm not sure I can say that with too much conviction yet.

We broke up barely two weeks ago and for all of you who don't really know why, here it is.

Mark always had a hard time with the fact I have a son. He liked Evan don't get me wrong. But the connection of the fact that I have a child was very hard for Mark. But we were passionately in love and worked through it.

So then we took two weeks and traveled across the country to Florida. Upon returning, I realized how much I had missed Evan and how much had changed in that short time period. I pushed it aside and continued devoting my heart to Mark.

Long story short, he became convicted of the fact that though he was in love with me, he didn't think he would ever be able to come to terms with the fact I have a baby. This may sound terrible to you. The simple truth is, God wired him a certain way. The way he was wired simply means he is not for me like I thought he was. Mark was also concerned that I would one day come to resent him for making me choose between him or Evan.

Naturally this breaks my heart. We are still friends and I love hearing about his life and how he is using it for God. But it's still painful to not hear him say "I love you." It's still painful to know that when girls ask him to hang out he will without a second thought. Now I'm getting petty. :p

Anyways after we broke up, I knew it was for the best. I knew if he hadn't done it, I would have eventually. It took time, but I realized that I would choose Evan over Mark when it came time to make hard decisions. So, better sooner than later right?

Well, that's the story in a nutshell.

1 comment:

Jeff said...

I appreciate your honesty Jessica. God is going to use you in mighty ways as you follow his lead. Evan will be so grateful that he has a mommy who no doubt, loves him.